Through Pavel Curly Chekov's Eyes
by rockmysocks456
Summary: Chekov can't forgive himself after letting Spock's mother slip through his fingers. Can the crew of the Enterprise help him out?
1. Loozing Her!

"I'M LOOZING HER, I'M LOOZING HER!" Chekov yelled as he tried desperately to get Spock's mother back.

But she was gone. The rest of the group materialised before Chekov's eyes. Everyone looked around, but the tiny spark of hope that she had survived, had exstuinguished. It was silent for a few moments. The crew looked at one another, but nobody noticed Chekov slip out of the room. Head pounding, body shaking he walked down the deserted corridors of the _Enterprise_. Finding one that was completely empty, he laid against the wall and gripped his curly hair. He slid down to a sitting position, and his head fell into his knees.

_I could've saved her. I could've._

Chekov opened his eyes and blinked as the corridor spun before his eyes, he got to his feet and swayed. Shaking, and feeling faint he returned to the flight deck.

"I am... emotionally compromised." Spock said and departed.

Kirk took a seat in the captain's chair and was about to direct the crew when he spotted Chekov who was pale, shaking and clearly about to go down.

"Bones! Grab him!" Dr. McCoy forced Chekov into a seat and forced his head between his knees.

Once able to remain conscious for a bit longer, Chekov raised his head taking in deep breaths.

"Come with me," McCoy muttered, taking Chekov's elbow and steering him to the sickbay. "What happened to you?" McCoy asked, confused.

"I- nussing, sir. Nussing."

"_Something _happened. What?"

Chekov couldn't keep it inside, bottled up forever. "I-I could've saved her. I know I could haff. Iz my fault she's gone."

"Chekov, it's not _your_ fault. No one could have caught her in time."

"I should haff been retty for anysing zat came my vay." Chekov stood up and hurried out the door.

"CHEKOV. COME BACK!"

His curly head whipped around the corner and he disappeared down a long corridor. He reached his quarters and tapped in the entry code quickly. The door slid open and he locked it behind him. Shaking with self-directed fury he pounded both fists into the wall, "DAMMNIT!"

After a moments thought, the young ensign left his quarters and started off down the corridor back to the flight deck to resume duties. _I could've saved her._ He was shaking and pale again, the corridor spun and he staggered sideways and fell. The scene began to blur. Eyes partially open he heard muffled voices and saw blurred figures approaching.

"_Chekov?" "Pavel?" "Kid?" _He felt someone drag him to his feet and the darkness closed in.

As though he were under water, Chekov heard heavily muffled voices from somewhere far away... "_Chekov?"_ But his mind was set on his own memories. _"Russian whiz-kid, whatchur name? Chanko... Churpof...?" "Ensign Chekov, Pavel A__ndreievich, sir." __And then to the first time he ever saved a life. Two actually... __"I can do zat... I CAN DO ZAT!" _Running through the halls of the _Enterprise._ _"Move, move! I can do zat, I can do zat, I can do zat...!" _Hitting a few simple buttons and..._ "Ha! Понял!" _(That means, "Got it!" in Russian.) And then his inner eye zoomed to the first time he lost a life... about an hour ago... "_I'M LOOZING HER, I'M LOOZING HER!" _And then louder from outside his troubled mind, "CHEKOV!" Chekov gasped and sat bolt upright. He was on a bed in the medical bay, Dr. McCoy standing nearby looking anxious.


	2. I Vill Figure Zis Out

"I- Dr. McCoy, sir. I- Vhat happened?"

McCoy shifted lightly on his feet and said softly, "I'd say in medical terms you experienced fatigued episode due to anxiety and stress disorder."

Chekov sighed deeply, "So, I passed out?"

McCoy smiled, "Yep. But it's no big deal kid, I mean you're just beating yourself up over something that would've happened to anyone."

Chekov swallowed and muttered, "No. I should haff been able to save her. I-I deedn't. I know I could haff."

In a wave of fury he pounded his fist into the matress and clutched his brown curls, sinking his face into his knees which he'd pulled up to his chest.

"Chekov-"

"No!" Chekov yelled.

McCoy was stunned. Chekov had _yelled_, and _angrily _at that! For the first time in his entire life.

"I-I vill figure zis out. I'll figure out a vay to save her..." McCoy was at first afraid to speak.

"Ch-Chekov? She's... dead."

Chekov's normally cheerful, icy eyes flashed with a white hot anger. He slid off the bio bed and staggered before straightening. He proceeded to speedwalk down the corridor as McCoy stood, thunderstruck by the cold, threatening look in Pavel "Curly" Chekov's eyes as he left him.

"McCoy to bridge, is Kirk there?" McCoy said into the intercom.

"Yeah, I'm here. Whatcha need, Bones?"

McCoy swallowed and sighed, "Come down to medical bay. Now."

Kirk sighed, "Fine, gimme a minute..."

Within about five minutes Kirk had reached the medical bay.

"Now, Bones. What's this about?"

"It's Chekov."

Kirk opened his mouth to respond, thought a minute and said finally, "Who?"

McCoy rolled his eyes, "The _kid._" Kirk smiled in recognation.

"Oh yeah... what about him?"

Bones glared. "He seemed pretty upset about not being able to save Spock's mother, now he's blaming himself."

Kirk laughed, "He'll get over it-"

"No, Jim you don't get it! Remember when we found him passed out in the hallway? _This _is why! And he says he's gonna find a way to save her-"

"She's dead though-"

"That's what I said! And you know what he did? He _glared!_"

"The _kid?_ _Glared?_ God, I always thought he was a bright ray of sunshine on this ship..."

"We gotta help him out, Jim."

Kirk sighed, "I'll talk to him. Where is he?"

Bones shrugged. "Dunno, he left."

"Dammnit. I'll be back." Kirk said and took off down the hall.

"Goddamn the both of them..." Bones muttered.

_Dammnit, where is that kid?_ Kirk hurried through the corridors of the _Enterprise_, in search for any sign of a crop of curly, brown hair. For at least six halls he saw nobody. And then a small, shaking figure. Sitting with it's back against the wall, brunette curls trembling violently.

"Chekov?"

The young ensign looked up, "Keptin!"

He dropped his knees and tried to regain control of himself. "Vhat-Vhat do you need?"

Kirk smirked, "No, ensign. It's what _you_ need. Tell me why you're blaming yourself for something you had no control over what so ever?"

There was a short pause and Chekov glowered, "I- I should haff been able to save her."

Kirk realized at that moment there was only one person who could return Ensign Pavel "Curly" Chekov to his usual bright personality that lit the ship when it was facing it's darkest times. Spock.


	3. Sank you, Sir

The young ensign hurried off down the hall muttering something about being very busy today. Kirk frowned with a sigh and headed swiftly towards the bridge. Once there he found the one Vulcan he'd needed.

"Spock, can we talk?" Spock whipped around.

"Very well. What is it Kirk?"

Kirk glanced around at the rest of the crew. "It's more of a private matter."

Spock gestured towards the door and the two walked slowly down the corridor in silence until out of earshot of the people on the bridge.

"Now what's this about, Captain Kirk?"

Kirk sighed, "I know you're upset about your mother-"

"I-I suppose- what of it?"

"Well, someone else is too."

Spock's eyes remained emotionless. "If you are referring to my father I can see why he would be-"

"No, I mean Chekov."

Spock was silent thinking. "I'm afraid I don't understand what you mean. Why would Ensign Chekov be particularly upset by the death of my mother?"

"He couldn't save her."

"Well, no one blames him, there was nothing anyone could do with someone traveling at that speed-"

"Yes, and we've told him that but none of us could get him to snap out of it. We thought maybe- you could..."

"Talk to him? I will do so, Captain Kirk. You continue with your duties and I'll deal with the young ensign."

Kirk clapped a hand on Spock's shoulder and said before departing, "Thanks Spock."

As Kirk disappeared around the corner, Spock touched his shoulder and said tonelessly, "Ow."

* * *

"Computer, locate Ensign Pavel Chekov." Spock said adibly.

"_Location detected. Chekov is in their quarters."_

Spock's boots clapped across the white tiles as he made his way to Chekov's quarters. Spock paused before knocking. Sighing he did anyway with no answer. He knocked again. No answer.

"Computer, acsess code: 659289."

The door gave an unlocking click and the computer said, "_Granted. Door unlocked."_

Spock pushed the pad beside the door and it opened. "Ensign? Chekov?"

He entered and saw, asleep on his desk, Pavel Chekov. He slowly crept up and saw he'd fallen asleep while working on something. He took a closer look at the papers and books scattered over the desk and saw they were all about beaming people who were moving at high speeds. Formulas and notes were scribbled all over his papers and books and a great number of them were crossed out.

"Chekov." The young man jumped as he awoke.

"I- Yes, Meester Spock?"

"I see you've been working on something."

The boy blushed and said, "Yes, sir. Joost a leetle research."

Spock sighed, "We need to talk, Chekov."

Chekov's eyebrows furrowed. "Vhat about, sir?"

"About my mother." Chekov said nothing. "Chekov, you are the youngest and best ensign ever to work aboard the _Enterprise_, and you have always worked to your full potential. I don't believe under any circumstances that you failed when my mother died. You did everything you could and it would have been illogical for you to expect something like that to happen."

Chekov's eyes were innocent and pained, "But there must haff been something that could haff been done."

Spock raised his arched eyebrows. "No. I'm afraid there no other way to save the rest of the Vulcans including myself _and_ my mother."

Chekov smiled. "I- sank you, sir."

Spock clapped his hand on Chekov's shoulder and said, "No, thank _you_, Chekov."

He left and Chekov said, "Ow."


End file.
